


May The Bridges I Have Burned Light My Way Back Home

by orphan_account



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, Flashbacks, Lesbian AU, unedited bc i'm a mess, we stan projecting onto crystal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25079164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Two years ago, Crystal and Gigi met, fell in love, and broke up, all in the span of one summer. Now, in the present day, Crystal still can't get the younger girl out of her mind, even though Gigi has moved on.
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd, Jackie Cox/Jan Sport
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	May The Bridges I Have Burned Light My Way Back Home

**Author's Note:**

> So what happened here was it was my birthday yesterday, I got a little drunk and in my feelings, and somehow my venting turned into this dumpster fire. Hope y'all are ready for this angst fest. Enjoy.
> 
> (P.S - I strongly recommend listening to Fourth Of July by Fall Out Boy while reading this. It was kinda the catalyst for this whole thing.)

Two years. Had it really been that long? Crystal still felt the sting of two summers ago like it had just happened yesterday.

_Jan had insisted Crystal accompany her to this party. Her college friend Jackie’s internet friend had finally saved up enough money to come spend a summer in New York with them, and she was hosting a welcome party to celebrate. Crystal could handle Jackie, she’d met her a few times and she seemed nice enough, and Jan had such an obvious crush on her that she’d babble about her constantly, so Crystal almost felt she knew Jackie as well as Jan did. It was the fact that other people would be there, most of whom Crystal wouldn’t know._

_“Come on, Crystal, it’ll be fun!” Jan had said._

_“Ugh, fine, but if I come to this party, you have to do all the dishes for a week.” Crystal had eventually relented, causing the other girl to grin._

_“You’ve got yourself a deal!”_

Crystal often wondered what life now would be like had she not given in. Sure, she would’ve had one less fun night under her belt to recall. But then again, she also would’ve never met _her_.

_Crystal had lost track of Jan within five minutes of arriving at Jackie’s small apartment, the younger girl having run off to mingle with her other college friends. There weren’t very many people at the party, Crystal counted maybe twenty max, but the apartment was small, and Crystal knew exactly two people, making her feel even more awkward and cramped._

_“Crystal!” She heard a voice from behind her, and Crystal turned around to see Jackie and an unfamiliar girl approaching her. “I didn’t expect to see you here tonight! What a pleasant surprise!”_

_“Yeah, uh, I came with Jan.” She said, before turning her attention to Jackie’s companion. “And you must be the friend from California, right?”_

_The girl smiled, offering a hand for Crystal to shake. “The one and only. Gigi Goode, at your service.”_

_Crystal smiled back as she shook the girl’s hand. “Crystal Methyd. Yes, that is the name I was born with, don’t wear it out.” She joked._

_“Surprisingly, not the weirdest name I’ve heard, if you can believe it.” Gigi threw back, the grin on her face matching the one Crystal could feel on her own. “Oh, you probably want to find that friend of yours, don’t let me keep you.”_ _  
  
_

_Crystal had given a nonchalant shrug to that. “Actually, I don’t mind, Jan’s probably catching up with old friends, wouldn’t want to intrude.”_

_“Oh. Well, in that case, I need a refill.” Gigi said, holding up the little plastic cup in her hand. “And you need a drink. Come with me.”_

Hindsight was a bitch. Crystal now knew she should’ve just said no and gone back to staying by Jan’s side the whole night. Or at the very least, that should’ve been the last time they ever saw each other. But alas, fate had had other plans.

_Crystal had woken up the next morning to a chime from her phone that was way too loud and high-pitched for her pounding head’s liking._

_“Who on earth is messaging me so early…?” She’d wondered. Most of her friends were the type to sleep in until noon on a Sunday, and her family back home would’ve called her._

_She was even more confused when she saw an unknown number on her screen. She couldn’t recall giving out her number to anyone last night, or even recently for that matter. Hesitantly, she opened the message._

From: Unknown  
Hey Crystal! This is Gigi, we met at the party last night :)

_Ah, right. The two had hit it off the previous night, chatting about anything and everything. Although she couldn’t remember, it made sense to her that she’d give the younger girl her number. She quickly saved her as a new contact before replying._

To: Gigi  
Hey! How’s New York treating you? :)

_She wasn’t expecting such a quick reply, let alone two._

From: Gigi  
It’s treating me well! A little hungover from last night, but that’s more my fault :P

From: Gigi  
Actually, speaking of New York, Jackie’s working today and I was gonna explore a bit, but I don’t really wanna do it alone. Would it be weird to ask if you wanted to tag along?

_Crystal thought about it. On one hand, she’d met the other girl exactly once, what if she was a serial killer? On the other, Crystal knew she was being stupid. Gigi had seemed like a perfectly normal young adult last night, and it was just some normal touristy sightseeing presumably._

To: Gigi  
Not at all! I’d be more than happy to come with you! Jan and I live just a few blocks down from Jackie, I can meet you there in say an hour?

_Well, that would get her out of bed._

She remembered how friendly they had been at the start, often meeting up to have lunch together or explore or even just to hang out whenever Jackie was busy and Gigi was bored.

She cursed the fourth day of July. That was the day everything had changed.

_“Crys, it’s nearly time for the fireworks! What are you still doing inside?” Gigi had asked Crystal when she finally found her hiding in the bathroom._

_“Oh...don’t worry about me, Geege. Go on ahead without me, not like it won’t happen again next year, right?” Crystal had replied, flashing the younger girl a weak smile._

_Gigi was not having it. “Yes, but next year you won’t be watching them with_ me _! Come on!”_

_“Honestly, Gigi, I’m fine with missing out. Really fine, actually.”_

_“Crystal, are you...scared of fireworks?”_

_Crystal winced at the words. “I wouldn’t say I’m scared of the fireworks themselves. Just, loud noises in general kind of make me really uncomfortable, and you know I hate crowds so I’ll be even more on edge. Honestly, I’d just be weighing you down.”_

_Gigi sighed, putting a hand on the older girl’s arm. “Do you trust me?”_

_“Geege, you know I do.”_

_“Okay, so just...come with me. I promise we’re not going into any crowd. Please?”_

_Crystal sighed, finally relenting. “Alright.”_

_The grin on Gigi’s face as she led the older girl to their destination was not unlike that of a kid in a candy store. Eventually, Crystal found herself standing on the apartment building’s small rooftop area, just the two of them._

_“See? Not so bad, right?” Gigi said._

_“Well, I guess not, but that’s because the fireworks haven’t even started yet.” Crystal quipped, causing Gigi to roll her eyes._

_“Don’t worry, I have a plan to make sure you don’t get scared.”_

_“I’ll believe it when I see it.” Crystal deadpanned, losing her serious facade and giggling when she saw the eye roll Gigi threw her way._

_The two stood in relative silence, looking down at the city below them._

_“Okay, Crys, they’re starting. Close your eyes.” Gigi instructed._

_“What? How am I supposed to watch them if my eyes are closed?”_

_“Just trust me, will you?”_

_“Alright, alright.” Crystal sighed, closing her eyes._

_At first, nothing happened. But then, just as she heard the telltale whistle of the first firework rocketing its way up into the sky, she felt the younger girl’s lips gently press against her own. Soft and comforting, yet firm._

_And holy_ shit _, did that bring up some feelings Crystal thought she had repressed pretty well._

_Her surprise wore off quickly, and she eagerly melted into the kiss, threading her fingers through Gigi’s hair as if her life depended on it._

_She completely ignored how cliche it all was._

If she thought about it too hard, Crystal would realize that, while the memories stung, that summer was easily the best of her life. All of her happiest moments from that year, Gigi was there. From that first kiss on the rooftop, to every kiss afterward, to everything else that followed. Crystal had been in absolute heaven for a whole summer.

She should’ve realized sooner that like all good things, her perfect summer romance had to come to an end soon enough.

_It had been the night before Gigi was due to go back home to California. The two girls were spending the night together, drunk on lust and cheap vodka. They were currently cuddled together on Crystal’s bed, the older girl resting her head on the younger’s shoulder._

_“You know, it’s kinda funny.” Crystal giggled._

_“What’s that, Crys?” Gigi had asked her._

_“I’ve known you for only what, not even three months? And yet it feels like...I’ve known you my whole life.”_

_“Yeah, I think I know what you mean.” Gigi had agreed, nodding her head slightly._

_“Is it crazy to think we might be soulmates? Because I think we might be soulmates.” Crystal had confessed._

_“Soulmates. Yeah, I like the sound of that.” Gigi had smiled softly down at the older girl._

_Crystal had sighed happily, snuggling impossibly closer to the older girl and mumbling just under her breath against her neck._

_“Crys, what was that? You’ll have to speak up.”_

_“I said...I think I love you, Gigi.” Crystal sighed._

_Gigi had gulped audibly at that. “Oh. Right.”_

_“It’s okay if you don’t wanna say it back just yet Geege, I understand.” Crystal added quickly, fearing the younger’s reaction._

_“It’s not that, Crys. It’s just...babe, I’m not out at home yet. At all. My family is quite conservative. I have a gay cousin, and all my life I’ve heard from everyone around me that him being gay is just a phase he’ll grow out of, even though he’s been out for going on 15 years now. And the truth is, I’m not even sure if I’m gay or bi or what. Hell, what if I’m straight and this is all a phase like I’ve heard my whole life?”_

_“Okay, well, in that case, we figure it out together. It’s okay not to know for sure.”_

_“You don’t get it, Crystal. I...I like you a lot. But I don’t want to have to hide you back home. I don’t want you to have to be my dirty little secret. You deserve so much better than that. I...Crystal, I can’t do this. I’m sorry, I can’t.”_

_“Geege...what are you saying?” Crystal was doing her best not to cry, but she could feel tears burning behind her eyes, threatening to fall with every passing second._

_“I’m sorry Crystal...I think it’s best if this is the last we see of each other. I’ll let myself out.” With that, Gigi had gently maneuvered herself out of the bed, dressing as quickly as she could before gathering her things._

_In that moment, Crystal was almost thankful she couldn’t see through her tears. She didn’t think she could bear to watch Gigi walk out of the door, and out of her life, forever._

Crystal would’ve thought that two summers would be long enough for the memories to hurt less, but instead, they hurt just as badly as they did when they were fresh in her mind. So much had changed since that summer, and yet she was still stuck on it.

A few months after Gigi had left, Jan had finally plucked up the courage to confess her feelings to Jackie, and the pair had been dating ever since. Crystal almost felt jealous of the two, how they got their happy ending together, but more than anything she was happy for them. The only thing worse than a heartbroken Crystal was a heartbroken Jan, according to Jan herself. About a year ago, Jackie had moved in with the two roommates. Her presence was a positive shift overall in the apartment, her ability to adult far better than Crystal’s or Jan’s and thus influencing them to be better at the adult thing themselves, but Jackie’s presence also had the negative effect of amplifying just how lonely Crystal fault. She knew that wasn’t their fault, but for every quick peck they shared in the living room, and for every time Crystal could hear them together through the paper-thin walls their bedrooms shared, she felt the weight of her emotions crush her just a little bit more.

There was also the fact that Jackie was still friends with Gigi. Crystal had never shared with anyone the extent of her and Gigi’s relationship, and she assumed the other girl was the same. Even so, she knew it would’ve been wrong of her to even entertain asking Jackie to stop being friends with her, but that didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt on the rare occasion Jan would ask how Gigi was doing, and Jackie would answer.

Apparently things had looked up for the younger girl. According to Jackie, after she’d finished college, she’d moved away from her family, somewhere she could be out and proud without a care in the world what others thought of it. Jackie had even mentioned once she had a girlfriend now, Nicole maybe? Something starting with N. It didn’t matter anyway.

Somewhere inside her, Crystal was genuinely happy for Gigi. She remembered how terrified the younger girl had looked and sounded the night she’d told Crystal about her fears around coming out. To hear she had found true happiness was heartwarming.

Crystal just wished she could’ve found true happiness with _her_.


End file.
